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Floory Grime, you’ve met your match!

12 Mar

I blog about as frequently as I clean anything, which will give you some idea of about how often I clean anything.  We’re having company today, but it’s my parents and my sister, and they don’t care.  Well, my mom will give me endless grief about it, but since I’m not sensitive about my housekeeping skills, I don’t really care.  

We were away in Florida.  We went to visit Bishop Mishegas’ grandparents.  They have a very clean house.  We also saw some kin of the bishop’s – a couple about our age who have a two-year-old daughter and they live in antiseptic splendor in this extremely enviable Craftsman house on the water in Ft. Lauderdale with comfortable yet sturdy furniture.  Their house was actually cleaner than the Bishop’s grandparents, who are famous for their clean house.  Their house was so clean it was frightening.  I look around houses like that and I say, “But where do they keep all their CLUTTER???”

When we got home, our house looked so filthy to my spoiled eyes, and so I actually cleaned it.  That is, I cleaned the living room, the kitchen (I have to finish the kitchen), and the bathroom.  My friend Tracy loaned me her steam mop (see previous post) and I felt compelled to try it out so that I can return it to her.  This was actually a HUGE incentive!  And now I’m thinking that there ought to be a high-end mop library where you can borrow fancy cleaning supplies but you have to use them within a certain time frame so you can return them.

As far as Tracy’s steam mop, well, it turned my floory grime into a floor.  Not even a grimy floor, just a floor.  Everyone in my family admired how shiny clean my floor was. 

Maybe next time I’ll dust.


I cleaned a thing!

3 Jan

Usually I get so completely overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning that I need to do that I just don’t do any of it, which works handily for Chaos Peanut, who would just follow me around messing it up anyway, and also for Baby Chaos, because I’d have to put him down to clean and he’s not feeling that and also for Bishop Mishegas, because he doesn’t care that much and if I don’t clean a thing he also doesn’t have to clean a thing.

However, today before I took my shower (so Bishop was entertaining Baby by making him be a Space Robot; more on that perhaps another time.)  I decided to take 30 seconds to clean the sink.  My friend Tracy’s 5 year old son totally sink-shamed me a few weeks ago, by not wanting to use my potty because my sink was, I believe he said, “distusting.”

I cleaned it after he sink-shamed me, but then it got “distusting” again because of the “frothy mixture of Barbasol and tiny hairs that is sometimes the by-product of Bishop Mishegas shaving.”  (Paraphrased from Spreading Santorum, in case you didn’t catch it.  And by the way, don’t you think I should name that “distusting” stuff after a politician I disagree with?  I mean, it’s a brilliant idea.  It’s INCREDIBLY mature.  Santorum is taken, so how about I name that stuff, Palin.)

Anyway, the sink was clogged with Palin, and I had to clear the Palin out of the sink.  I have a sink poker thingamajig that is great for clearing Palin out of sinks.  I think it was As Sold on TV, and it’s a grabby bit on a long flexible tube with a gun thing on the end and you thread it into your clogged sink and squeeze the gun thing and it yanks all the Palin out of your drain and it’s satisfyingly vomitous and you can say, “YUCK!” while you dispose of the Palin and the thingamajig is way better than Dran-O.  Plus anyway, I’m terrified of Dran0 because of that scene in “Heathers” when Christian Slater gives the first Heather a glass of DranO to drink and she promptly drops dead.

So I pulled the stopper out of the drain and the stopper was FULL of Palin (I don’t want to know why it turns dark grey after a while, so don’t tell me.) and then I put the sink poker down the sink and then I scrubbed the whole thing down with Ajax or whatever and the whole thing took five minutes.

In fact it has taken me considerably longer to write this post than it took me to clean a thing.

Stay tuned tomorrow… maybe I will clean another thing!

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