Archive | September, 2015

I Wanna Be Sedated

21 Sep

Hi, I’m sleep deprived. You don’t have to fix it. You probably can’t fix it. I mean, you can try to fix it, but you probably can’t. What am I saying? I’m sleep deprived!

Our sweet Flower has decided that sleeping through the night is just not her thing. She decided this a few months ago. I can’t remember exactly when it was… she had been sleeping through the night for a while and then she stopped and now she doesn’t do it. She goes to bed just fine at bedtime. Falls into a deep sleep. You could stick her right in the middle of one of those Ramones shows I used to go to in the 1980’s, I loved the Ramones, and those were some loud shows. She’d sleep through it.

But then, and why? We don’t know. But then… 7/8 days a week, she gets up in the middle of the night and comes into my room. Sometimes she wants something. Most of the time she wants to be put back to bed. By me. Then she falls into a light sleep. Me just thinking about those Ramones shows will wake her up. If I don’t creep out of the room silently enough, she wakes up and I have to start all over again.

We tried melatonin. It does nothing for Flower.

We’ve seen some specialists. According to them, it’s my fault. (Really? Name something that isn’t.)

They’re full of solutions. They’re full of the kinds of solutions you can find by googling “Supernanny” and “Sleep.”

We’re taking her for a sleep study this week. But I’m not overly hopeful they’ll find anything that they want to treat.

But poor Flower. She must be so tired. She must be as tired as I am


Five Schools in Five Years

9 Sep

Today was the first day of school for Flower, at her fifth school in five years.  They say kids on the spectrum don’t adjust to change well… at this point we wonder how Flower would adjust to being at the same school two years in a row.

Of course, Flower does do change just fine as long as she can anticipate it.  As long as it is on the schedule.  And she did her Extended School Year session at this school, had the same Special Ed teacher and everything, so she was pretty OK with it, except for missing her best friend S., who moved to San Francisco, and her favorite lunch lady Mrs. Larkin.

She really did love Mrs. Larkin.

She learned to write her name and everything.

It takes each school a while to adjust to the Ways of Flower, and that means that I’ll get an awful lot of calls from the nurses’ office, an awful lot of mildly disturbing notes home, until they’ve adjusted.  Because she’ll howl for no reason.  Existential angst.  Music stopped mid-song makes her absolutely wild, for example, but how do you explain that she might not actually be in dire pain, but just upset about a premature song ending?  Or having a pimple on her lip?  Or (as happened today) a mosquito bite.

She’ll howl for a reason too.  So how can they differentiate?  I can’t, and I’m her mother.

But every time I see the school nurses’ office number come up on my caller ID, my heart contracts with fear.

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