And any bed on which he lyeth is unclean

3 Jan

OK, so I’ve gone from “you’ve got to laugh” to not even feeling like laughing because the plagues just keep going and going.  Chaos has lice again.

I feel like this.

Hee!  Drama!  OK, I just gave myself teh giggles ’cause I can still drama queen with the best

I think one of the worst parts of Chaos’ continuing lice saga is the way people treat me.  Not like I’m unclean (although, as you know, I am) or like I don’t keep Chaos clean or anything, but like the reason Chaos still has them is because I DID THE SCRUB DOWN WRONG and not, say, because she was lying on the carpet in daycare screaming at the same time daycare happens to be having a lice infestation.  The note home from school was really irritating.  “You have to wash ALL THE THINGS,” it said.  (Actually, it didn’t, because the folks writing the note are probably not familiar with the genius of Hyperbole and a Half and that’s too bad.

No, the note did not say “You have to clean all the things,” it said that I have to wash everything again.  Yeah, OK.

So I meet Chaos’ bus, bring Chaos home, Clean All The Things, put Chaos in the bath, douse Chaos in poisonous poison, rinse it out, comb her hair while the Bishop vacuums the soft toys and Baby Peanut cries, replace All The Things, remake Baby’s bed, remake Chaos’ bed.  We’ve got it down to a science at this point.

Meanwhile, Chaos has this terrible outbreak for psoriasis on her scalp from all the treatments..

It just makes me feel so alone, the way they treated me.  I don’t know why, or even how to explain it.

And we continue to do battle with the OTs, who still want to discharge Chaos.  Today we got a very awesome letter of recommendation from the pediatrician that says, “Chaos really really needs OT so give her lots because she really really needs lots of OT!!!”

“Ha!”  I thought, “Take that, you OTs, Chaos does too need lots and lots of OT.”

And then sometimes it just hits you, you know?  Chaos really does need lots and lots of OT.   And then I feel sad.

Well, I guess I better stop teh feeling sorry for myself.  Chaos is lying on the couch talking to herself and she doesn’t have any pants on.


6 Responses to “And any bed on which he lyeth is unclean”

  1. Jackie Wolk (@jacqwolk) January 4, 2013 at 2:28 am #

    Ssly I don’t know what kind of resistant species all y’all have back East for vermin, but I just spent ten out of twelve days at my MIL’s combing lice out of her hair. Her strain was way worse than E’s (to her credit, dear MIL was far more patient on the business end of that teeny goddamn fucking comb than her granddaughter) Two doses of the poison, plus she had to sleep with olive oil in her hair. XMAS IS INFESTED EVERYONE OUT OF THE WATER

    Suffice it to say we did not have many visitors, but we did have a lot of leftovers.

    Believe it or don’t Grandma did not catch them from E, as my kiddo was lice free for over a week before we got on the airplane. Clearly my MIL should have purchased a 60 inch flat screen TV and a BarcaLounger like her silver haired peers, instead of going to all those intergenerational social groups and political meet-ups in town. You might suffer a host of problems when you’re an isolated senior citizen, but apparently head lice ain’t one of them.

    Wouldn’t it be grand if we could just stick $200 worth of pesticide under our skin twice a year and be done with it like the cat gets to do.


    • ladymishegas January 4, 2013 at 3:04 am #

      Chaos had been lice free for a while too, at least as far as I could tell. And I kept checking her as much as she’d let me (which isn’t much) because she was scratching. But the psoriasis on her scalp had gotten so, so bad, so I witched from the lice repellant shampoo to a shampoo to treat the psoriasis and pretty much the second I did that… lice. Can’t win. Oh well. Better go put more bedding in the dryer. I like your idea about twice yearly pesticide injections.

  2. Jackie Wolk (@jacqwolk) January 5, 2013 at 6:33 am #

    Yeah, I gave E a dandruff shampoo followed by an herbal lice repellent.

    I bet you are asking, Say, Jackie, why does your kid need repellent if she’s lice-free and your mother in law is back East?

    Scratch. Scratch.

    Yep. Despite wearing my hair in the most matronly bun possible all through the month of December, and despite changing my shirt and showering every time I lice-checked other family members, and despite that godzawful repellent shampoo that gives me blizzards of dandruff…off to fill my shower cap with olive oil and tea tree before I go to bed. P;us, unlike my daughter, I am more than willing to sit still and have my hair nit-picked. I am a-hopin’ and a-prayin’ DH can carve out at least two hours this weekend to search and destroy my scalp.

    • ladymishegas January 5, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

      I’m sorry. If I lived closer, I would nit pick you. What kind of herbal lice repellant are you using? We have Fairy Tales. It smells horrible and I’m not sure it works. I also use the conditioner to comb out Chaos’ hair. I was thinking of giving her a vinegar rinse and a comb out this morning, even though we’re supposed to be off to DC for a gig. Do vinegar rinses work?

      • Jackie Wolk (@jacqwolk) January 6, 2013 at 6:27 am #

        No, if you lived closer, I’d take Chaos and E to the playground so you could enjoy a nap:)

        We are using Lice Shield. It stinks like citronella, but you could do worse. Vinegar is great for taking off nits and/or eggs because it loosens the glue to the hair shaft. Remember to dilute the vinegar too.

  3. Today'sThoughtExperiment January 8, 2013 at 2:12 am #

    I know the feeling. We had our year long battle. And still with the return the following summer. I swear by the olive oil treatment. Also lousebusters if you can find them. Hot air may not work for poor Chaos with her sensory issues though. I loved how it was always about the clean sweep of the home and not of the daycare as well. I don’t have to use it overnight. 10 minutes followed by a Dawn shampoo and a good blowdry. I am dreading the season here at school. Also, our local bugs are admittedly pesticide resistant these days, I’ll bet yours are too. My personal preference would be for you to come visit us for two weeks to be sure they are out of your house!

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