I (Mostly) Cleared a Path

5 Jan

Chaos Peanut went back to school today.  She took the bus.  She was really excited to take the bus to school.  “School bus, or no school bus?” she said, and then she answered herself, “School bus:  OK!”

She was so excited to go to school that she kind of neglected to sleep.

So we were all up early except for Baby Peanut, (slept from 9-7:30 at 10 weeks, and he does this sort of crazy thing ALL THE TIME!!  WTF, Baby Peanut?  And of course all I can think is, “This is temporary, this just means he’ll be up all night when he’s 2.”  Because I have vague, distant memories, that Chaos Peanut used to sleep too.  But maybe it was a dream, generated by my sleep-deprived mind, and in fact it never really happened.) Chaos Peanut hasn’t slept through the night more than, like, once, in, like YEARS.  Years.

And poor Bishop Mishegas has to deal with her in the overnight because I am the one who deals with the baby.  At the time, we thought he was getting the better end of the deal.  Not so much.  Poor, tired, Bishop.

But, sleepy or not, at 8:14 this morning the Bishop and I put Chaos on the big yellow school bus and then we did a big happy dance and we went out to breakfast with Baby to celebrate.  Is that mean? Well, I don’t care.  I’ve been cleaning pee and poop off of the floor for 14 days and I am returning a girl who is much further along in her potty training goals, and now I get a “break.”

I went to Trader Joe’s, saw my poetist  therapist, went to Target, and now I’m home.  AND  Baby Peanut fell asleep in the car and so far HE IS STILL ASLEEP.  And yes, I should get back to cleaning and baking cookies.  I just took a break to EAT LUNCH!!  What a day!

My parents are coming.  I don’t clean for them.  I used to… I used to clean for visitors, but only so that I could get it to the point where I could apologize for the mess.  Like, I’d frantically clean and scrub for 3 days before company came, and then when they walked in, I’d say, “Sorry about the mess!”

And they’d never, ever say, “Oh, this isn’t messy at all, this is very clean and tidy and pleasant,” oh no.

They’d say, “That’s OK, we know you’re busy.”

And now, with Baby Peanut, I can’t really even do that 3 day cleaning thing.  I did clear a path from my living room to the bathroom, so that my parents can sit and my living room and get up and use the bathroom if they want to without tripping over papers, envelopes, groceries that haven’t been put away, Baby’s bouncy seat (which he hates, because if he is sitting in it, he is not sitting on me or you), Chaos’ pink Princess table or any of the four matching (small) chairs, Little People dolls, action figures from Sesame Street, Yo Gabba Gabba, or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, (yes, they have action  figures from those shows, and yes, Chaos Peanut has all of them.  They’re her faves.) dirty spoons that Chaos Peanut threw on the floor in disgust while eating a bowl of bananas and yelling, “I want BANANAS!” and I don’t want to know what else.

But, we’re safe from that stuff, because I have kicked it all to the edges of the room and made a nice, clear path for walking.

My mother is going to want to clean and organize me but she is not allowed. She is banned from cleaning and organizing because last time she was here she decided to organize the baby’s room and get the stuff off the floor and she threw out two Hanukkah presents, one for my nephew and one for the big family gift exchange.  I managed to fish them out of the trash, but only after wasting a lot of my valuable non-Baby-holding time hunting for them, plus emailing the Bishop saying, “Have you seen an Ewok?”

To his credit, the Bishop just said, “No, not recently.”


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